I am sharing my processing of developing a culture of empowerment instead of a culture of excellence which leads to performance.
Being raised in a culture of performance meant:
- Trying to gain approval and recognition
- Life was unsteady
- messing up = failure
- Accomplishments = identity
- Life, identity was fragile
- life and relationship were scary
- No room for growth: This one surprised me. I am trying to be perfect would I always need to be growing? Well yes, but no. I should already know how to do and be everything. Learning is a messy process of mistakes, mess ups, read failures in the performance culture. No room for that. No room for trial and error because error meant rejection, criticism, lack of worth, attack on identity since identity comes from performance.
- people pleasing
- never enough
- Learned to live anticipating people’s expectations: I have fought against setting up my life to meet people’s expectations for a long time. In some ways this is a paradox because there are so many areas where other people’s opinions don’t even enter my mind and if they do I easy dismiss them as just that, someones opinion. Then there are other areas that I now see subconsciously I have learned to anticipate someones expectation of me and try to meet that before rejection or failure could occur. Talk about people pleasing! Anyway this obviously doesn’t work because without clear communication I do not actually know anyone else’s expectations. If I am doing this automatically I am also not really determining if they are expectations I am even called to meet.
- Trying to earn love instead of live from love.
- No matter how well I did there was always something to improve. Even performance was failure.
- No one was interested in me as a person, only my performance.
Living in a Culture of Empowerment means:
- Living from love
- Identity from love
- Environment for growth
- Relationships are places to be known, cared for
- I am enough without doing anything
- Learning is a joy
- Life is secure, stable, peaceful
- mistakes = learning opportunity
- Living for God’s glory
Does any of this sound familiar?
What culture are you creating?