Love and Trust are Not the Same

No email again today.
I guess it’s a blessing – a confirmation that I correctly assessed the situation.
We speak the same words with such different meanings.
It hurts too. Not to be important enough for the hard work of change. That they don’t value themselves enough to pursue healing. It grieves me. It makes sense. If they don’t value themselves how can they value me?
So what do I do now? Jesus has bore my sorrows so I give it to him.
Jesus this hurts. It feels like rejection and manipulation. I think it even feels like betrayal. I’ve trusted someone willing to break my trust for their comfort and say it’s my fault. I don’t want to be foolish enough to set myself up for that again. I also want my heart open to love everyone as You do. Guard my heart without hardening it.”

He responds:

Love and trust are not the same.
Love is unconditional and unearned – a completely free gift.
Trust is earned and must be rebuilt when it’s broken.

I wonder:

Is love holding the tools to rebuild? Keeping the door open to trust again when effort is made?
Trust has boundaries. The tools must be used properly. The effort has to be made.
I can love if the tools are never touched or even thrown away – if an effort is never made.
The relationship could look very different if there were trust.

What about you?

What do you believe about love and trust?
How do you go on loving someone it’s not wise to trust

Honest! Trust Me!

He who is truthful testifies honestly, but a false witness lies. Proverbs 12:17 WEB
The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment. Proverbs 12:19 KJV

Supplies:

  • Bag of candy with a wrapper you can’t see through
  • Dirt or garbage

Colorful CandyPreparation:

  • Carefully open the bag of candy. Remove the candy and save for later.
  • Fill the bag with dirt and/or garbage and reseal.

Lesson:

Offer your child the bag of candy. If they are like my children they will be very excited.
Have them open the bag.

Garbage InsteadAsk:

How did you feel when you saw the garbage?

Was it what you expected?

Did you like that it was full of garbage instead of candy?

Help them identify feelings. This is a great time to build some emotional vocabulary. They may have felt angry, hurt, or confused.

Explain:
Getting a bag of garbage that looks like candy is like being lied to. (If you told your child it was a bag of candy clarify that you did lie because you were teaching this lesson. To avoid lying you can simply say you have something for them. With older children you could talk about how leaving out information or the intent to deceive is lying or at least dishonest. We can lie without saying a word!)

Honest! Trust Me! pic
Ask:
If I gave you another bag that looked just like this how would you feel? Even though it was just a lesson there is a good chance they wouldn’t be fully confident it was going to be candy.

Read Proverbs 12:17, 19

When we lie it hurts others. The ones getting the garbage are hurt. It also hurts ourselves. We want to be trusted. If we lie to someone they are not as likely to trust us and we will be hurt.

Did you try the lesson?
Did your children gain an understanding?
How do you teach about honesty?