Why don’t I feel totally changed?
Why isn’t everything different for me?
The women at church talk about how going to this retreat or reading this book changed everything and I never experience that.
It must be me.
I must be uniquely broken.
It turns out feeling uniquely broken is not uncommon. Especially if you experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
In my CEN recovery training, Dr. Jonice Webb called it your “Fatal Flaw”.
“A Fatal Flaw is a deep-seated, entrenched feeling / belief that you are somehow different from other people; that something is wrong with you.” Dr. Jonice Webb
You believe there is something broken in you that seems irreparable. Something you keep secret because you think – if people knew this about me, they wouldn’t want to know me, they wouldn’t love me.
You may recognize you feel you have a Fatal Flaw but have no idea what it is.
If this makes sounds familiar to you I imagine you want to know where it came from and what to do about it.
The first thing is to start paying attention to what you tell people about yourself, what you tell yourself.
- I’m boring.
- No one wants to be around me.
- I’m pathetic.
- I have nothing to offer anyone.
Ask God to reveal to you how you see yourself.
Your Fatal Flaw is unique to you and you don’t need to keep it. It’s a belief, not a truth.
Where did it come from?
A normal, important emotional need was neglected in childhood enough for the message to take root.
Maybe your Fatal Flaw is believing your voice doesn’t matter. It’s rooted in someone important consistently not listening to you as a child. Satan was right there to capitalize on the situation. He’s probably the one that offered you the idea in the first place. To your childlike mind, it made sense and seemed to be true so you agreed. Every time a similar situation or feeling came he was there to tell you again until you were telling yourself.
You identified what it is and where it came from. Now what?
Recogzine it is a thought, a belief. It is NOT true.
Give it a voice. Tell a safe person about it.
Ask God where it came from.
Walk through forgiving everyone who was involved in you believing it was true.
Ask God what the truth is about you.
When you hear the Flaw trying to speak, tell it to be quiet and speak the truth instead.